rest in Him

We still have a bassinet in our room. To be honest, most days I don't even notice it; it's become just another piece of furniture I twist my hip to avoid hitting. It's still in our room mostly due laziness but also due to bad timing. After we moved Emery into her crib I asked Nolan to move it to the garage. He insists to this day there's no room for it out there.
Time passed and the bassinet still sits there. I kept thinking we'd fill it again soon so it did seem pointless to move it to the garage but so far it still sits empty. Well empty of a real life, it's actually inhabited by a few of Emery's spare toys.
The reason I'm bringing any of this up is due to the fact Emery pulled out the mattress today and played with it in the living room. It was her baby's bed. As I watched her love on her baby; wrapping it with a blanket, sweetly kissing it on the forehead, and settling down to read Baby a story, I couldn't stop my mind wandering into thoughts of Joel.
Recently I've been introduced to new people and had frequent conversations about babies. These people don't know about Joel and I have mixed feelings about that. On the one hand I do not want to be the awkward, misty-eyed woman who can't seem to get over her miscarriage. On the other hand, my experience with Joel was so life-altering that I can't believe people aren't aware of it. When my miscarriage does come into conversation, I do feel like I sound callous or unmoved. The truth is it was horrific, disarming, and the worst pain I've ever felt. However, I am successfully on the other side of the event so as I am explaining it to others, I am able to say that I'm 'okay'. Do they want me to describe it in detail? No. Do I feel they think I'm either faking my calm or not giving enough severity to the situation? Absolutely.
Thankfully the Lord came to my aid as I was slipping into a more depressing mindset.
The verse in Genesis 16:13 came to the forefront of my thoughts. "You are the God who sees me." Instant reprieve. God is the one who sees me. He saw me through the miscarriage as it was happening, he saw me through the ugly-cries and despondency. He sees me now as Nolan and I cautiously plan to start again. He is the one that assures me that however brief Joel's existence was, his life is purposeful. His is a perfect love.
I can find rest in the knowledge that my God knows me, sees me, and he reigns.