on a lighter note

Here's a glance into our breakfast conversation this morning:
E: "mo-mma" (the dash is to emphasize that she drew it out)
A: "at least it's momma, and she stopped saying, 'manda'. Why does she call me that?"
N: "It's probably because she hears me calling you that."
A: "Well she doesn't call you Nolan."
N: "That's because you call me Big Poppa."

Oh that man. For the record, I never call him Big Poppa. Unless we're singing the song. Emery does really call me "manda" sometimes though. At least, that's how it sounds. I didn't think that would start until teen angst days. Oh well. I suppose she could be calling me worse.

On another note, I have a question for you all. Is Meatloaf making a comeback that I don't know about? Last Friday as we were watching Monk, they showed a preview for this week's episodes. Meatloaf was making a guest appearance. We thought that seemed random. Then last night we watched Ghost Hunters (which is strangely addictive) and guess who's making an appearance on that show next week? Yeah--Meatloaf. Completely different shows and networks. What's going on?
Speaking of guest appearances though, Nolan and I are excited about Glee next week. Kristen Chenoweth is making an appearance--we love her!
All this in a blog to tell you that we have dumb conversations over breakfast and spend too much time watching television.
Have a good Thursday! (We plan to--thank you Office! and welcome back Grey's!)

my hope is found

It's amazing how God works the smallest details into your life to make a huge impact. If he has something to tell you, he's going to make sure you get the message. A month ago I had a seemingly unimportant discussion with a girl from church. I told her that I was getting ready to start reading The Return of the Prodigal Son (by Henri Nouwen) and she asked if we could turn it into a discussion so she could read it along with me--I said sure.
In the meantime, I was having some identity issues. Apparently I was identifying myself with what I could produce and give to the world. I am someone who likes to see a result for my efforts so it didn't help me when people would say, "being a mom is the most important job. You'll see the results when she's older." older is not soon enough for me! So that led to me feeling inadequate, inefficient, unworthy, and useless--all those good things.
Enter Les into the situation. Les is our good friend who happens to be the youth minister. He preached a couple weeks ago about-guess what? That's right: identity. The sermon was based in Philippians 3 and through a piercing dialogue he explained that our identity should be founded in Christ alone. Of course, I've heard this before but Les' message struck a chord. He emphasized that we may know God but we need to make sure he knows us. I have to work to make my identity based in Christ so that he will recognize me among the crowd when "every knee bows & every tongue confesses." I thought this message was great and I meditated on it for a while but of course, those nagging feelings of inadequacy were never too quiet.
Now enter my good friend, Henri. I was reading the first part of his book to prepare for my discussion tomorrow. He wrote a great line, "I am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found." How true is that for you? It's head-on for me. When dealing with these dark feelings I didn't turn to God. I kept sliding down the slippery slope and shut off the voice that was telling me, "I love you, Amanda. As you are; not for what you do." I was following what Nouwen describes as "an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me." After reading, I said, "Okay, Lord. I get it. I'm working on it! It's what I'm striving for; working towards." and definitely, "thank you!" Henri also wrote something that stopped my downward spiral. He said, "When God created man and woman in his own image, he saw that 'it was good' and, despite the dark voices, no man or woman can ever change that."
I know that's really heavy information about me that you didn't ask for but I can't stop thinking about this today and I wanted you to learn it too. I hope Henri's words (and more importantly, God's) speak to you today! Remember that even if you feel like your failings are great, “grace is always greater.” Much love!

picture preview

Hey guys! Emery and Mommy had a great picture day today. We went on a little walk over to Scully Park to explore and we also were able to play in a little puddle back at home. Em really wanted to swim in the fountain at the park so I'm thinking the puddle gave her the water fix. Here's a preview of the pics from today. The rest are on Shutterly. Enjoy! Hope you had a good "First (official) Day of Fall!"

Also, before you yell at me, I know Em needs a haircut. I'm just not ready to do it yet. I can already hear Sue saying, "When are you going to cut that baby's hair?!" Not yet. I can't stop the growth in other areas but I can control how long her hair is! I'm not ready to give that up yet--it's so baby-soft and cute! So please be patient with me in this area and enjoy the pictures anyway!

in the kitchen

In an effort to appease my need for productivity, I spent the greater part of the day making applesauce yesterday. It turned out great! I was surprised how easy it is to make (time-consuming but relatively easy if you leave the peel on). If you want some, come on over! I made some with cinnamon, some without and one batch with brown sugar & cinnamon. It's an applesauce smorgasboard,basieally!

While I stirred what seemed to be an endless pile of apples, Emery kept herself occupied with a stepstool. I love that she doesn't need a lot to be entertained! She's very fascinated with the camera these days. She already wants to look at the picture after I take it and she's even taken a few of her own. That means we have a lot of closeups of random parts of her body. She obviously hasn't learned the rule of thirds yet.



Anyway, hope you all had a good Monday and enjoy the sunshine today! Much love!

Book Update: The Book Thief is already excellent. I'm mid-way through and I'm hooked. I love reading it and when I'm not reading, I'm thinking about the next time I can read it! Check it out!

just what i need

Hey all! So I have to be honest, I've grown a deep respect for single parents. The thing that has saved my sanity is knowing Nolan will be home Friday. I cannot imagine my outlook on life if I did not have this knowledge and comfort. I have some wonderful friends and family that have made this week bearable. There are two more days left but I wanted to share how I've already been blessed.
The friend who took Emery for a few hours so I could sleep off a terrible migraine. I love her for doing that--I didn't even have to ask her!
The friend who carried Em's diaper bag and protected her on our walk while his wife and I chatted away. He also pushed Em in her stroller so we could continue to gab. I love him for it.
The friend who treats Em as her own. She doesn't ask whether Em needs a diaper change; she just assumes and takes charge. She also showers Em with hugs, kisses, and praises. I love her for all these moments.
The mom who wakes up when her girls are home so she can talk and interact with them even though she's exhausted. If you know her daughters you know that's not an easy feat and I love her for that.
The aunt who treated me to a delicious taco salad and conversation. I love her for that.
The other aunt and uncle who came up for a night of games (you're welcome for the new addiction).
The sister who stayed up much too late with me sharing part of her life, listening to mine and sharing a lot of laughs. Like a whole lot of laughs. Love her for that.
The dad who was willing to watch his granddaughter (tough break) so her mom could go see a movie. Love you, Dad.
Thank you all for making my week a lot of fun! I'm very grateful! Love you all! (Nolan get home quick!)

nice little Saturday

It's the weekend! I love the weekends! Weekends = family time! Some of my favorite memories of when Em was first born are from Saturday mornings. I would hear her babble over the monitor in our room; get up (not always cheerfully); go to Em's room and rescue her. Then we'd come back to bed with Daddy and wake him up. She's the best in the mornings--so cheerful and happy to see us after a long 8 hour separation. I love those times together.
However, this Saturday is different. Nolan is in Nebraska until next Friday (I will accept all sympathy!) working at the Husker Harvest Days with his company. When I told my mom that Nol would be gone she immediately said, "oh so you and Em are coming to spend a week with us?!" I hate to disappoint my mom but I wanted to prove to myself that I could stay at my own house with our daughter and be fine. I know I need Nolan but I told myself I could handle it without him for a week. Turns out, I can but I'm a pansy! Thursday night was not so fun without looking forward to Nolan around 5:30. Fortunately the good Lord knows me better than I know myself--he knows I need people! Thursday night my dear friends the Bacus' had Em & I over for a walk to the park and a delicious dinner (thanks, guys!) And as if that weren't enough, "it just so happened" that my good friend Beth's husband also left her for the weekend! What a coincidence! Thankfully Beth is also a pansy and wanted to stay with me! We rented movies and then stayed up far too late talking! Just like teenagers! She's even staying tonight too! It's such a blessing to have a friend like Beth. You should all get one!
Saturdays also mean errands day. Luckily, Beth is free for the day as well so we'll be running around town together (Emery in tow, of course!). I have a book to pick up at the library--I love discovering new books and so I'm getting The Book Thief. I thought it sounded like a fun mystery but it turns out, it's about the Holocaust. I'll let you know how that goes.
As I run errands, I hope you all have a wonderful Saturday as well. It's beautiful here in Lincoln and I hope you enjoy the day wherever you are! Much love!

p.s. Birthday shout-outs: Happy Birthday Natalie & Linda!

little seeds

Hope everyone had a great Labor Day weekend! We were in Sandwich visiting with Nolan's family. Our brother & sister-in-law are leaving later this month for a year in India so this weekend was also about saying goodbye. As we were leaving Sandwich I was hit by the realization that Ian & Bekah will miss many family celebrations--I can't imagine how they must be feeling. However, they are answering a much more important call. We will have more family celebrations that fortunately, they will enjoy but for now, they have to answer the call God has placed on their hearts. One of my favorite verses, I Thessalonians 5:24 says, "The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it!" So, Ian and Beks, God has called, you've answered and he will be faithful to you! Take courage and peace!
This weekend was also special since we were able to enjoy watching the three granddaughters interact. Riley, Paige, and Emery are such great friends! Riley is a great helper and it was so fun to watch her lead Emery around the trampoline--the joy on Em's face was priceless! Emery & Paige's relationship is fun to watch. Em is fascinated with her cousins and wants to be doing what they do even though she isn't always able to. Just try to stop her!
One moment in particular filled me with much hope for our girls. Riley found Paige's Bible and asked her Uncle Nolan to read it to her. What a great opportunity to spread those little seeds and ignite a passion for the Lord in Riley! Since Paige & Emery were never too far from Riley they all ended up on Nolan's lap to hear the stories. My prayer is that each of these beautiful girls grows to know the Lord and experience his grace and love--I can't wait to see what the Lord will do each of their lives. Maybe even one of them will follow in Uncle Ian and Aunt Bekah's footsteps to impact the world in a foreign country. By the time I thought of getting the moment on camera, Paige was ready to move but I did capture a bit of it. Hope you enjoy the video!
p.s. what a good and patient dad Nolan is! Did you notice that he kept reading despite the fact Emery had her fingers in his nose and beard! haha! Way to be, Nol!

with great anticipation

I love fall. When I say that, I mean I LOVE fall! It's my favorite season. I love watching the leaves change, I love the crispness in the air, I love pumpkin patches, apple orchards and bonfires. I don't remember anticipating a season more than I am right now. I think it's because I've got plans to take Em to see pumpkins, collect colorful leaves, and I'm planning a pumpkin-decorating contest with my friends (thanks Family Circle for the ideas). I can't wait to share my excitement with Emery--I know I should've been better about taking her outside this summer but I wasn't. That may have been for two reasons: first being, all my Parents magazines scared me to death that Em would get skin cancer if I didn't lather her in a gallon of sunscreen. The other reason is a selfish one. I hate being hot and sweaty. Loathe it; and I don't say that lightly. Now the weather is absolutely beautiful, crisp with blue skies. What's your favorite part of this season?
With all this anticipation in the air, it is hard for me to be content right now. I'm ready to get to that pumpkin patch and wear my fave combo: jeans w/ a sweatshirt. However, as my dear Henri Nouwen reminds me, I have to live in the here & now. So in our here and now, I made chocolate-chip cookies again today. It's my 3rd time in 2 weeks which is just about unheard of. I'm basically a chocolate-chip making fiend. Nolan and our resident
cookie monster (she even growls!) couldn't be more excited!
Tonight when Nolan got home I was trying to keep the cookies from burning, brown hamburger to make BBQ sandwiches and keep Em out of the oven! After he got home and we got things settled down, we had a great little family dinner. I realized how much I really like our little group of three. Even though I like my even numbers, this threesome seems balanced and right. I hope we both enjoy this time together before we add any more (not in the plans soon so don't get excited). I have to say that while I was thinking these great things, Nolan was taking a piece of BBQ out of Emery's nose. So much for me romanticizing our fam-haha. She was a little imp at dinner tonight actually. She only wanted to eat french fries so I tried to be sneaky and scoop the BBQ with the fry. Then she pulled the stunt with the BBQ in the nose and when I turned another time she stuck her BBQ'ed hand into her hair.
We thought we'd stick some of the pics from tonight! Enjoy and hope you all enjoyed the first of September!