my hope is found

It's amazing how God works the smallest details into your life to make a huge impact. If he has something to tell you, he's going to make sure you get the message. A month ago I had a seemingly unimportant discussion with a girl from church. I told her that I was getting ready to start reading The Return of the Prodigal Son (by Henri Nouwen) and she asked if we could turn it into a discussion so she could read it along with me--I said sure.
In the meantime, I was having some identity issues. Apparently I was identifying myself with what I could produce and give to the world. I am someone who likes to see a result for my efforts so it didn't help me when people would say, "being a mom is the most important job. You'll see the results when she's older." older is not soon enough for me! So that led to me feeling inadequate, inefficient, unworthy, and useless--all those good things.
Enter Les into the situation. Les is our good friend who happens to be the youth minister. He preached a couple weeks ago about-guess what? That's right: identity. The sermon was based in Philippians 3 and through a piercing dialogue he explained that our identity should be founded in Christ alone. Of course, I've heard this before but Les' message struck a chord. He emphasized that we may know God but we need to make sure he knows us. I have to work to make my identity based in Christ so that he will recognize me among the crowd when "every knee bows & every tongue confesses." I thought this message was great and I meditated on it for a while but of course, those nagging feelings of inadequacy were never too quiet.
Now enter my good friend, Henri. I was reading the first part of his book to prepare for my discussion tomorrow. He wrote a great line, "I am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found." How true is that for you? It's head-on for me. When dealing with these dark feelings I didn't turn to God. I kept sliding down the slippery slope and shut off the voice that was telling me, "I love you, Amanda. As you are; not for what you do." I was following what Nouwen describes as "an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me." After reading, I said, "Okay, Lord. I get it. I'm working on it! It's what I'm striving for; working towards." and definitely, "thank you!" Henri also wrote something that stopped my downward spiral. He said, "When God created man and woman in his own image, he saw that 'it was good' and, despite the dark voices, no man or woman can ever change that."
I know that's really heavy information about me that you didn't ask for but I can't stop thinking about this today and I wanted you to learn it too. I hope Henri's words (and more importantly, God's) speak to you today! Remember that even if you feel like your failings are great, “grace is always greater.” Much love!